A Few Ground Rules

Any good experiment has parameters within which it operates. My experiment (though not scientifically sound by any stretch of the imagination) should also have such parameters, rules to govern the shape of the plan. So here's what I've come up with so far:

1) I will not Bic-shave my head - I plan on keeping some fuzz like, as my friend Kittie says, a duckling. This is a matter of laziness and wimpiness. I think by the time I've gone through with the hair cutting and shearing, I will be so traumatized, I won't be able to handle a razor to my head as well. I'll be a quivering mass of emotion, hardly a suitable shaving subject.

2) I will go out and about bald at least once a week. Part of the fun of this is playing around with scarves and wigs and I can see myself falling into a reliance on them. That, however, would partially ruin the purpose of doing this. So, at least one day a week I will spend openly bald and proud.

3) I will blog the good and the bad. I have a tendency to think that if my tone is one way in one post, it should remain consistent in others in order to have a solid "voice". However, that's not how emotion works, particularly not for me. I'm a rainbow mess of feeling with reds and blues and ugly yellows and I need to let that happen for the sake of honesty. Otherwise, there's no point to this.

4) Even on my wig days, if someone asks to see my crazy shaved head, I will oblige no matter how good a wig day it may be or how crappy I may feel about myself.

Ummm . . . I can't really think of anything else. Do you guys have any ideas?

Other news: I asked my doctor today about head shaving making my hair grow back differently. (He already thinks I'm weird, so he hardly blinked at this). He said it's a matter of genetics, so he doesn't see how it would make a difference. He did, however, mention that I should never, ever shave my eyebrows (I didn't even ask about that one!). Evidently doctors have been sued because they've shaved a patient's eyebrow to give stitches or something and the eyebrow never grew back. Sometimes they just don't come back in after having been shaved. Interesting, huh? I spent a few years with three eyebrows after the Unfortunate Nair Incident of '01, but lucky for me, the bare patch came back eventually. In preparation for The Big Day, though, I have been plucking my eyebrows like mad. I mean, really: I can't be baldheaded and have mountain man eyebrows, right?

Biggest Fear

So, I can easily choose one single Biggest Fear in this project. I haven't vocalized it to this point because I'm _that_ concerned about it. It has threatened to end this entire experiment before it even happens. So, what should one do when dealing with one's Biggest Fear? Go to the internet of course.

And I did.

And I found NOTHING.

At least nothing related to shaving one's head.

*Tugs collar awkwardly*

So, anyway, I took the next step. I posted in a forum. Here was my question:

"So, I've decided to shave my head as an experiment. I've always wondered how I'd look and my curiosity has reached unignorable proportions. I'm not worried about it looking bad (seriously, it probably will: that's what wigs are for). I'm not worried about social stigma (I've done worse). The thing that really, really concerns me is: will it grow back the same? I truly love my hair. I love being a curly girl. It's an identity I'm proud to call mine. I would hate to ruin my hair to sate curiosity. Is there a chance that it can grow back straight? I've found very little on the internet one way or another and I would really like to ease this fear. Oh, and I should probably add that I'm a 3b.

Thanks all!"

3b is a hair type, pervs.

I've gotten a couple responses so far and they're comforting, but I'm still waiting on some more before I'm fully Big Fear Free. Do any of you know about this?

In other news, I'm getting impatient and almost cut it off last night.

Ta-dah.

A Potential Change of Plan (No, Mom, I've Not Changed My Mind Re: Head Shaving)

I’d planned another post for today, but in light of a very interesting comment I received, I felt we should discuss the following instead:

“Ndever” (awesome handle, BTW) said:

“I did some back reading and noticed that you plan to donate to Locks of Love. The last time I checked, Locks of Love charges the cancer patients for their wigs; so I donate to Pantene Beautiful Lengths instead (http://www.pantene.com/en-US/article/our_beautiful_partnerships.jspx) because Pantene provides the wigs FOR FREE to cancer patients. Just in case that makes a difference to you!”

And it definitely does make a difference. I did some research and found the following quote on the Locks of Love web site:

“Our mission is to return a sense of self, confidence and normalcy to children suffering from hair loss by utilizing donated ponytails to provide the highest quality hair prosthetics to financially disadvantaged children. The children receive hair prostheses free of charge or on a sliding scale, based on financial need.”

There were some other sites, scathing in their reviews of Locks of Love, but I don’t think that’s either helpful or necessarily true. So we’re going to deal with what we have from each side.

Okay. So, it’s a sliding scale “based on financial need”, which is fairly reasonable. But then we have Pantene Beautiful Lengths, which works with the American Cancer Society and provides the wigs entirely free of charge, from what I’ve seen.

Now, here’s the other part of the discussion: Locks of Love works for children. Pantene Beautiful Lengths is more focused on women. Does that matter?

What do you all think? Should I stick with the original game plan and go with the better known organization with which I started (though made no specific pledge to) or should I go with the group that donates their wigs freely? And has anyone heard anything one way or another on these organizations? Any input would be welcome and appreciated!

Shiz To Which I Look Forward

No more hairy rubber bands around my wrists. There are times when it looks like I have a small animal wrapped around my wrist. Don’t be deceived: it’s just my ever-present hair bands, my curls trapped and snagged and tangled around them.

Even shorter showers. I’ll be honest: I hate showering. So, it was pretty awesome when they became incredibly cursory two years ago when I stopped washing my hair. In and out in five minutes, tops. Now, without even having to wet or condition my hair . . . oh man. I can’t wait.

No more hair brushing. I have never understood the girls who sit around and comb their hair. There was always that one in school, the chick who had to be reminded in class to put the hair brush away. I never got that. For me, hair brushing has always been a source of pain. I remember, as a kid, my mom soaking my hair with No More Tears detangling leave-in conditioner. Still, there were tears. When I stayed at my Grandy’s house, she couldn’t bear seeing me in pain, so she let me go without brushing. My mom would pick up a tangled, dirty hippie child at the end of the visit. Even now I hate to brush my hair. So I don’t. At least, not as much as I should. But now I won’t have to worry about that at all!

Playing around with fabulous eye makeup. Another thing I’ve noticed about bald women is that their eyes really pop. I’m pretty excited to do some crazy things with eye makeup to compensate for my big, bald noggin.

I even briefly considered pulling an Amanda Palmer with my eyebrows (i.e. shaving them off and drawing on fabulous designs). But then I decided that might be going a bit too far. Maybe that will be my next experiment.

Other Ladies Living Baldly

I've been enjoying so much hearing the stories of other women who have made this leap. I know these last two were already in the comments, but I felt like they were worth reposting:

From K8, a friend with who, although we've not been around each other much, I often find myself scarily in tune:

"I never went bald-bald, but i did shave down to fuzz (number 3 on the clippers) for a while. Since we're the same person, you already know i was 0 for 4 too. I still totally rocked the buzz, yo, and i'm pretty sure you will too.

There's a certain fierceness that comes with forcibly and purposefully taking away something that people use to define you--it makes them have to deal with you more than they did before. The nice thing is, not only have you taken that away from others, but you've taken away a way to hide from yourself. It forces you to engage and to be engaged, but it's a good thing. It's definitely a moment of growth, and it changes you for the better, even once your hair's all grown out.

I'm very excited about this, by the way. I don't know about the vibrations, but i loved having that short, soft fuzz--it was very soothing to rub my head, and it meant i didn't need shampoo (i would wash with soap when i'd wash). I have the world's weirdest cowlick at the back/right corner of my head, and no matter how hard i tried i would always have a little nub of hair that was just a little bit taller than the rest that i would call my thinking nub, because when i was thinking i would rub it. (Weird, i know.)

Anyway, i've been rambling. Point is, i think this is awesome--both the shaving and the blog about it--and i'm looking forward to seeing how it goes."

This comes from my new friend, Ms. Sunday Afternoon Housewife. She's an awesome lady and I'm not at all surprised that she'd be brave enough to take the risk:

"Hey! So I have to say that from 17 to 19 I kept my hair in a very short buzz- like as short as it would go with out being shaved by a straight razor. I really loved it. My parents hated it because before then I had hair that was down past my butt! I just went and had it cut up really short, and then like a week later my friend said, "you should shave it like Ani Difranco" and so I did. I figured what the heck, right? Even my high school senior pictures have me with a shaved head! After 12 years of long, down to my butt hair, and I just cut it all off. I would do it again, but I think like you said there are those "prefessional expectations" that kinda hold a person back. So are you really going to go like straight razor to the scalp bald? Your head is going to freeze, like you have never imagined! You need me to knit you a hat?"

And the answer is, yes, a hat would be AWESOME! I love it that you and your husband were the two to voice that particular concern. :)

Fear and Trembling

With this experiment comes a fair amount of trepidation. Not the least of my concerns is my appearance. I've looked through pictures of bald women and they seem to have some similar characteristics (beyond the obvious baldness, of course).

1) Long necks. They are swanlike and graceful, the perfect inverted C. They stretch, all sinew and lovely shadows.

2) Angular facial features. In the words of Dieter from “Sprockets”, they are beautiful and angular.

3) They are slender. The word “willowy” comes to mind.

4) This last one isn't a requirement, but tan-ness seems to

help.

I'm 0 for 4. My neck could fit nicely on a linebacker and my facial features are flat and soft. Don't even get me started on the slender thing. And if my skin was any paler, I would be transparent. I'm not knocking myself: I'm cool with how I look. I don't always like myself, but show me a girl who does. For the most part, I am comfortable with my appearance. Sometimes I even like it. However, the reality is that my features may not mesh well with baldness. And that makes me nervous. Here's my concern:

OR

So, yeah. That's my fear for today.

Fly Your Bald Rebel Flag

I got this awesome message from a friend on my Facebook:

"I just read your blog post! I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SHAVE MY HEAD!!!!! I've been obsessed with it since I saw Ani Difranco with her head shaved. A friend of mine (who shaved her head post-30, 42 actually) said that she could feel vibrations through her scalp in a way she couldn't explain. She also said she got cold, people thought she had cancer and she felt really vulnerable all the time. I do love your hair, very much, but think what you're doing is awesome, and it will grow back (if you want it to). I know what mean about being defined by your hair. To a lesser extent then you, my hair has always been my defining feature. Hair stylists, people on the street, friends and family always talk about how great my hair is because it's naturally straight and has multi-tonal color blah blah blah. So, I feel ya. I say: Fly your bald rebel flag. Fly it high."

Love.

Post the First

Probably if you’re reading this first post, you already know me and I’ve already harangued you into reading my blog. So. . . thanks, Mom. But maybe someone has stumbled across it or (hope of all hope!) been referred to it and is reading the backlogs. If so, hi. I’m Kari. I’m 26 years old and trying something new.
My entire life, I’ve been a curly girl. A baby fro that grew into long, winding locks that strangers stopped to touch. They petted, twirled, rubbed for luck. As with most curly girls, in middle school, I scraped my tresses into a scalp-tight ponytail that never saw release. It loosened a bit in high school, but I still minimized as much as I could. College found me with an unfortunate (but easy!) short cut. It wasn’t until about 20 that I really began to have fun with my hair. It became a signature; it predicted moods and political leanings. I can be spotted through a crowd: just look for the mass of spirals bouncing in movement and stillness. By 24, I stopped coloring it, began cutting it myself: I became one with the curliness. It’s been a source of pride for six solid years and intermittently (whether admitted or not) my entire life before.

Which brings me to now. One month from today, on Valentine’s Day, I am going to shave my head. First, of course, I will cut off as much as I can and donate this to Locks of Love. I urge everyone reading this to explore the Locks of Love web site and see what amazing work they’re doing. Donate hair or money if you find yourself in a position to do so. I must ask, however, that no one mistake my actions for charity. Though charity is resultant, I am first and foremost a selfish person. I am very happy that I will be able to donate my hair and that something good will come out of this, but I don’t want to set myself up to seem like a better person than I am. Ultimately, I’ve always been curious about how I would look with different hair or with no hair at all. As for the former, there are not many options for curly haired girls and with my particular brand, straightening it ends with me looking like the Cowardly Lion. As far as the latter, there have always been parental, societal, career and personal concerns preventing my doing so. And now I am 26. I fear this may be my last chance to do this. Something's happened to my friends who have crossed that threshold into their thirties and that something has made them less apt to do this sort of thing anymore. Knowing my personality, I don't see this for myself, but still: stranger things have happened.

If I'm honest, I also hope to see some reactions. I don't want to offend anyone, but I am curious about what will be said, what sorts of looks I will get, if anyone will say anything (Mom, I'm nearly certain I will have heard from you on this point – excessively). I want to know what people will think of a curly girl who forsakes her roots. I also wonder how I will react to myself. I fully anticipate tears, particularly on The Big Day and on any low self esteem days after. I imagine I'll have several moments of regret. But I also anticipate excitement and discovery. I'll learn how the world responds to me without this massive headful of curly stigma. I'll find femininity unrelated to the length or value of my hair. I will be forced to stop hiding behind this outstanding feature. I expect things I can't even imagine right now; with this project, I expect the unexpected.

So, on February 14^th, one month from today, I will begin. Expect a roller coaster until then and wish me luck. :)